More Advanced Than Humanity
Gino is abducted by aliens who are thousands of years more advanced than humanity, in this short tongue-in-cheek SF-horror story.
This work is licensed under CC BY-NC-ND 4.0 (Attribution, Non-Commercial, No Derivatives).
More Advanced Than Humanity
by Trevor Mendham
It was a cold, dark winter evening when Gino was abducted by aliens.
Things began just as in the movies. Gino was driving along a deserted country road when he became aware of a rhythmic humming sound. A few seconds later, his engine died. The car radio spluttered to life and played snippets from a few random stations. Then it too cut out, along with his headlights and the rest of the car electronics.
Had Gino checked his phone, he would have found that dead too. However, before he could do so, he was distracted by the sudden appearance of a bright, pulsing light in the air ahead.
It was at that point that Gino made his fatal mistake. Instead of sitting tight, closing his eyes and praying, he opened the door and stepped out of the car for a better look.
Needless to say, a column of light swiftly descended from the shiny metal, saucer-shaped object in the sky. Gino felt a tingling sensation, then his muscles froze. Unable to move of his own accord, he began to float gently upwards. As he rose, he slowly lost consciousness. Belatedly remembering all those movies, he imagined himself waking up naked on the slab of an alien operating table, about to be cut open for examination.
So it was a pleasant surprise when he came to and found himself intact, unharmed and still fully clothed. Even though he was, as he had feared, lying on a smooth, shiny white metal slab that might well be an operating table.
He glanced around the room. The walls were made of the same smooth, shiny white metal as the surface beneath him. He could also see various pieces of equipment he didn’t recognise, but which looked like highly advanced technology. A few of them made pinging and whirring sounds.
Oh, and then there were the aliens. Three of them, standing around looking down at him. They were largely humanoid in size and shape, however Gino could tell that they were aliens. Partly this was because of their green skin, but mainly because each had five eyes set in a circle. They wore clothing that glistened with a multicoloured, metallic sheen.
“Greetings, Earthman,” said the tallest, speaking in English with a Chinese-American accent. “Take us to your leader.”
Gino blinked, unsure what to say. There was silence for a few seconds, then all three aliens let out wheezing laughs.
“I was joking with you,” the alien leader said. “It was a very funny joke. We’re thousands of years more advanced than humanity in comedy. And we have no interest in your leader – we follow the great K’ul. Welcome to our spacecraft.”
“So you’re not going to cut me up for science? Or… probe me?”
“Goodness, no. We’re thousands of years more advanced than humanity in science and technology, we know all we need to know about your physiology.” The alien extended a hand and helped Gino to his feet. “Besides, why would we cut you up for science? What a waste! And as for the rectal probes, we’ve never used those. But I’m sure it could be arranged if you wish.”
“No! Absolutely not. Thank you, but no.”
“In that case, let us attend to a different orifice.”
“A different…?”
The three aliens laughed again.
“Food!” said the leader. “We’re thousands of years more advanced than humanity in the culinary arts. Of course, our food is incompatible with your primitive digestive system. But by K’ul we can produce Earth food better than any human chef. Come, this way.”
The three aliens led Gino out of the room and down a corridor of smooth, shiny white metal. As they walked, they passed a few other aliens, all of whom smiled happily when they saw Gino. He smiled back and even waved once or twice, feeling himself begin to relax.
They entered a room which looked very much like a human canteen, if that canteen had walls and tables made from smooth, shiny white metal. A few aliens were present, eating platefuls of something Gino didn’t recognise and didn’t want to study too closely.
The alien leader ushered Gino to a table and motioned for him to sit.
“So,” the leader said. “You can have any Earth food you want. Finally, you get to experience true taste. The ultimate meal. What would you like?”
“Umm… burger and fries?”
The alien smiled. “Dead cow and dissected potatoes. An excellent choice.” He waved a hand and muttered some words. As he did so, the table glowed and on it materialised a plate containing what was undeniably burger and fries, along with human cutlery. “Enjoy the gift of K’ul,” said the alien. “The exquisite taste will stay with you for the rest of your life.”
Gino picked up the shiny white metal knife and fork and gingerly lifted one of the fries to his mouth. After eating that, he tried a small piece of the burger. They were… superb. Nothing fancy, no added flavours. Just ordinary burger and fries, but somehow more so. As if they were the very essence of burger and fries. Gino let out a sigh of pleasure, then tucked in properly.
Once he had cleared every last scrap from the plate, he sat back and let out a contented burp. “That was… the best. Thank you. But why…”
“Why have we brought you here? We need your help.”
“My help? Why? What can I help you with? After all, you’re…”
“Thousands of years more advanced than humanity in all respects, yes. But by K’ul’s grace, you will still be of use to us. Come.”
The alien leader motioned for Gino to stand and follow him. As Gino and the leader left the canteen, the other two silent aliens followed behind. They walked along the corridor for some minutes until they eventually came to a closed door that was far larger than the others they had passed. The group stopped outside.
“You have arrived at the end of your journey, may it please K’ul” said the alien leader. Then it uttered something in its native tongue. The door slid open, then closed behind them after the group entered.
Gino stared around, eyes wide. This room was huge and totally unlike anything else he had seen since being transported on board the spacecraft.
The entire room was, of course, made of smooth, shiny metal. But this metal was black. It wasn’t just black as in the absence of colour, it actually seemed to radiate a shiny blackness that illuminated the room. Gino didn’t remember much of his school science, but he was pretty sure that should be impossible.
Showing a distinct lack of scientific curiosity, Gino didn’t spend much time looking at the walls. His eyes were drawn to the room’s contents.
Across the floor ran five long, glowing, orange-red glowing lines, pulsating like living tissue. What was almost more striking than their appearance was their arrangement: the five lines formed a large pentagram on the ground with an eye inscribed at each point. At their centre, a six-foot long slab of smooth, shiny black metal rose from the ground as if growing out of it.
“This…” Gino began, “This looks like…”
His voice cut off as he felt a tingling at the back of his neck and his muscles seized up, rendering him unable to speak. As he began to collapse, the two aliens behind caught hold of him and carried him to the slab in the middle of the pentagram where they lay him face up.
“A temple,” said the alien leader. “Yes, it is. We’re thousands of years more advanced than humanity in demon worship. Praise be to the mighty and fearsome K’ul!”
Lying helpless on the slab of an alien altar, Gino could only watch as the leader walked to stand over him, reached inside his clothing and brought out a knife made from smooth, shiny black metal. The leader held the knife in both hands and raised it high. Gino could see it was so sharp that the edges glowed as it moved, as if it were slicing through the very air molecules themselves.
The last thing Gino thought before the blade pierced his heart was that the aliens were clearly thousands of years more advanced than humanity when it came to making sacrificial daggers.
The End